It Sucks to Be Me
by madamwolf
Summary: Yes that's right. Avenue Q meets Harry Potter. Watch or read as the cast of Harry Potter sings Avenue Q! Rated for slight language.


Hello! A parody thingy, it's stupid and I aplogize for stuff that you could find offensive... but I don't know what... oh well. Read and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Avenue Q, if I did I would be rich and... I'm not.

* * *

HERMIONE GRANGER  
Morning, Harry!

HARRY POTTER  
Hi, Hermione.

HERMIONE GRANGER  
How's life?

HARRY POTTER  
Disappointing!

HERMIONE  
What's the matter?

HARRY  
Voldemort is still trying to kill me  
And Snape _is_ killing me in Occlumeny classes

HERMIONE  
Oh, I'm sorry!

HARRY  
Me too! I mean, look at me!  
I'm fifteen years old  
By now I always thought -

HERMIONE  
What?

HARRY  
No, it sounds stupid.

HERMIONE  
Aww, come on!

HARRY  
When I was little  
I thought I would be...

HERMIONE  
What?

HARRY  
A normal kid!  
Not fighting a dark lord and trying to save the wizarding world!  
I'm not normal at all!

HERMIONE  
Nope!

HARRY  
Oh Well,  
It sucks to be me.

HERMIONE  
Nooo.

HARRY  
It sucks to be me.

HERMIONE  
No!

HARRY  
It sucks to be orphaned  
and single  
and failing potions.  
It sucks to be me.

HERMIONE  
Oh, you think your life sucks?

HARRY  
I think so.

HERMIONE  
Your problems aren't so bad!  
I'm kinda pretty  
And pretty damn smart.

HARRY  
You are.

HERMIONE  
Thanks!  
I like romantic things  
Like music and art.  
And as you know  
I have a gigantic heart  
So why don't I have  
A boyfriend?  
Fuck!  
It sucks to be me!

HARRY  
Me too.

HERMIONE  
It sucks to be me.

HARRY  
It sucks to be me.  
It sucks to be Harry...

HERMIONE  
And Hermione...

HARRY  
To not have a life!

HERMIONE  
To not have a date!

BOTH  
It sucks to be me.

HARRY  
Hey, Remus, Sirius, can you  
settle something for us?  
Do you have a second?

REMUS LUPIN  
Ah, certainly.

HERMIONE  
Whose life sucks more?  
Harry's or mine?

SIRIUS BLACK AND REMUS LUPIN  
Ours!

REMUS  
We practically live together.

SIRIUS  
We're as close  
As friends can get.

REMUS  
We've been the best  
of buddies...

SIRIUS  
Ever since the  
Day we met.

REMUS  
So he knows lots  
Of ways to make me  
Really upset.  
Oh, every day is  
An aggravation.

SIRIUS  
Come on, that's  
an exaggeration!

REMUS  
You leave your  
clothes out.  
You put your feet  
On my chair.

SIRIUS  
Oh yeah?  
You do such anal  
Things like ironing  
Your underwear.

REMUS  
Even in this big house  
I can't find a moments peace  
You make it a hell

SIRIUS  
So do you,  
That's why I'm in hell too!

REMUS  
It sucks to be me!

SIRIUS  
No, it sucks to be me!

HERMIONE  
It sucks to be me!

HARRY  
It sucks to be me!

ALL  
Is there anybody here  
It doesn't suck to be?  
It sucks to be me!

CHO CHANG  
Why you all so happy?

SIRIUS  
Becuase our lives suck!

CHO CHANG  
Your lives suck?  
I hearing you correctly? Ha!  
I come to Hogwarts  
For opportunities.  
Tried of going to  
Muggle School  
But I am witch.  
But with hard work  
I earn O's in all my classes!  
And now I can be an auror!  
But no one want to hire me  
And I have a  
Dead boyfriend!  
And I have lots  
Of Quidditch to play!  
It suck to be me!  
It suck to be me!  
I say it  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Suck!  
It suck to be me!

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM  
Excuse me?

HARRY  
Hey there.

NEVILLE  
Sorry to bother you, but I'm  
looking for a new dorm room

CHO  
Why you looking all  
the way out here?

NEVILLE  
Well, I started at Hufflepuff,  
but as a Gryffindor that's tough  
But I think I'll come back to  
My own house and look  
That dorm has only three people!

HARRY  
You need to talk to  
the Headmaster.  
Let me get him.

NEVILLE  
Great, thanks!

HARRY  
Yo, Dumbledore!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE  
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

NEVILLE  
Oh my God!  
It's Albus Dumbledore!

DUMBLEDORE  
Yes I am!  
I'm Albus Dumbledore  
The best wizard since  
Merlin himself  
I have a lotta money  
That got stolen  
By the ministry!  
Now I'm broke and  
I'm the butt  
Of everyone's jokes,  
But I'm here -  
The Headmaster!  
Of Hogwarts -

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

HERMIONE  
You win!

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

HARRY  
I feel better now!

DUMBLEDORE  
Try having people  
stopping you to ask you  
"Are you really gay?"  
It gets old.

ALL  
It sucks to be you  
At Hogwarts  
(Sucks to be me)  
At Hogwarts  
(Sucks to be you)  
At Hogwarts  
(Sucks to be us)  
But not when  
We're together.  
We're together  
Here at Hogwarts!  
We live at Hogwarts!  
Our friends do too!  
'Til our dreams  
Come true,  
We live at Hogwarts!

NEVILLE  
This is real life!

ALL  
We live at Hogwarts!

SIRIUS  
You're gonna love it!

ALL  
We live at Hogwarts!

DUMBLEDORE  
Here's your key!

ALL  
Welcome to Hogwarts!

* * *

**AN**: Wow, I can't believe I made this. I guess it came from far too much of my ipod spitting out Avenue Q songs and trying to write the next chapter of my HP fic. But I got an urge so I typed it. I know there's a lack of Ron but I couldn't find a spot for him, I wanted Ron and Harry to be Nicky and Rod but then I didn't have a Brian who would go with Hermione. Speaking of Hermione she makes a perfect Kate, am I right?

Maybe more Harry Potter and Avenue Q parody's we'll see. And note, if I do, the cast of who's who will probably change.

By the way, I apologize to all Cho Chang fans… I felt bad typing all her lines out for some reason.


End file.
